I know what some of you may be thinking at this stage, and believe me, that's not it.
As most of you would've worked out already, I'm Asian which means I'm pretty hairless. I shave about once every 2 weeks and the phrase "five 'o clock shadow" has never applied to me. I also don't sweat under my armpits - something I'll elaborate on in a later post. But despite being mostly hairless, there is one place on my body where hair grows like a weed and that's the top of my head.
Now, I'm an Asian man with long hair (original, I know) and the problem with long hair and having it grow so quickly is that I moult like crazy. I moult so much I was Moses's back-up plague in case the first 10 didn't work. On a good day I moult more than a dog that's just discovered it's wandered into the kitchen of a Korean restaurant.
What this means is that when I squeeze all the water out of my ponytail after taking a shower, I'm left with long stringy handfuls of wet clingy hair.
I'm sure all you long-haired freaks out there can relate and to you people I now pose this question: What the hell do you do with all that hair? I mean, presumably you've already turned the water off, and turning it back on just to wash crap off your hands would be a waste. You definitely can't just fling the stuff off your hands, so what do you do?
Here's what I do - I stick it onto the shower walls, and it ends up looking a little something like this:
Before you think, "Oh, you're feral!" realise that I do usually wipe it off after stepping out of the shower and into my undies. I say 'usually' because sometimes they end up looking rather artistic. Take the picture above for example. When I look at it, I see an old man crying because he's made out of hair. What do you see?
I write this post for I am determined not to be the only freak in the world who engages in such questionable activities. Join me, my long-haired brothers and sisters, as we seek to subvert the dominant paradigm of... not doing this sort of stuff.
Seriously, send me photos of your own hair murals to:
email@example.com, and I will start posting them up here.
Together, we can make this world a hairier place.