Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Another award for being a complete slack-arse!

Guess who's back people? Oh yes, it's been a long few months, but I've finally managed to arrange my new home into a semi-livable state. Internet is up and running but unfortunately I've had to settle for a crappy wireless ISP so no more vid chats with randoms I meet on the internet. (I'm not sure whether I should be happy or sad about that).

Well, I've won another award thanks to the lovely Kelly Jean over at Morgendorf.blogspot.com which is ironic considering I always seem to win these awards whenever I'm away for a prolonged period of time (and yes I'm one of those people who consider something to be a trend after only two occurrences). So thank you very much Kelly - your current obsession with owning a pet pig amuses me to no end and I hope you are successful in your endeavour.

So, here are the award rules:
1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award. (Done!)
2. Copy the award and place it on your blog. (Done!)
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award. (The link above people!)
4. Tell us 7 interesting things bout yourself.
5. Nominate 7 bloggers.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs that are nominated.

I should warn you all now that I won't be nominating 7 bloggers tonight. As I've been away from the blogging scene for so long, I wish to put in a bit of effort into hand-picking a few new choice blogs. I figure that will take me about a week to do. Anyway, here goes!

  1. I'm a nice guy. It kind of sucks because I've come to realise that being a nice guy makes you very not sexy, but oh well, I'll deal. (It helps that I'm already married). Being a nice guy has other downfalls. I find it hard to screw around with other people. The best I can do is keep people guessing as to how I'm going to contact them when I say, "I'll get in touch with you later." Will it be a phone call? An SMS? An e-mail? Facebook? Oop! No, I tweeted! Oh I caught you off-guard there didn't I my good man? (LAME!)
  2. I was recently exercising and doing burpies (that's when you go from a push-up straight into a jump, then back down to the floor for another push-up. Repeat ad-nauseum). I was going fine until my lower end went down quicker than my shoulders during one of the push-ups and I slammed my crotch into the floor. I don't do burpies anymore.
  3. Speaking of crotch injuries, let me share with you a story from my teenage years. I was visiting an amusement park with some friends who convinced me to go on a ride called "Spaceprobe 7." Basically the ride involved taking you up in a seat hundreds of metres into the air and then dropping you down to the ground in a few short seconds. That day I happened to be wearing some new boxers that my sister had bought me (she must have planned this whole thing from the start) so my good bits weren't secured as tightly as they ordinarily would have been. (I think they were enjoying their newfound freedom and as I recall were rocking happily back and forth with youthful exuberance). Anyway, when the ride dropped us from the top of the tower, the sheer speed of the drop forced my backside a few inches off the seat and my boys were sucked in under me where they proceeded to get crushed under my bum. I don't do Spaceprobe 7 anymore.
  4. You know when you're standing at the traffic lights, waiting to cross the street? You know how sometimes the little green man takes an age to appear and a sizeable crowd gathers on both sides of the street? When this happens I like to imagine the people across from me are all dressed in armour waiting for the order to charge. Likewise the people around me are all dressed in armour waiting for me to give the signal. In my head, when the the two armies meet in the middle, I'm the one leading the charge with a tidy kick to the metallic-covered crotch of the first person I meet. (I think I'm developing a crotch obsession).
  5. I watched Avatar at the movies four times. You probably think I love the movie right? Well not quite. After the first viewing my wife insisted that the female Na'vi had nipples and that she had seen them during the movie. I was sure such a thing would not be allowed to happen in a movie where all the nipples are CG. Too often she's right so I wasn't about to let this one go without a fight. Anyway, after four viewings - each time on a progressively bigger screen - I gave up. The experience wasn't a complete loss though - I managed to alienate some friends of friends by saying to them, "let me know if you see any nipples during the movie. Oh, and if you need any crotch stories, I'm your man."
  6. According to Urban Dictionary, my name means: A Teenage white kid that has an abnormally large penis usually ranging to 7.5 inches to 8.
    "Wow never knew he had that he must have been a Thomas." Seriously.
  7. I cut my hair! (More on that in the next post). As I was sitting in the chair watching my long, soft locks fall to the ground, I remembered that scene in Anne of Green Gables where Anne asks Diana Barry for a lock of her hair. Obviously it was a very romantic gesture. I wondered what would happen if I went around to all my good friends offering them a little baggie filled with my hair. Would they consider it romantic? What about strangers for that matter? Well it's time for an experiment! The first 5 people who send me an email (tomurai2776@gmail.com) with the subject line "HAIRY!" along with their postal address, will receive a lock of my chopped off hair. I promise to infuse as much love and mushiness into the hair as is humanly possible as I caress it into the envelope. Then it'll be up to YOU to send me feedback on how romantic you found the gesture to be. But absolutely no cloning allowed!!
Ok, the kid with the abnormally large penis ranging to 7.5 inches to 8 needs sleep now people. Stay tuned for steps 5 and 6 of the awards rules!