Thursday, November 5, 2009

HOW short are you?

I'm damn short. "Compact" is a word often used to describe me. I rock at paintball because I'm such a non-target and I frequently get people petting me on the head. I'm also almost a foot shorter than my wife - a fact most people don't believe when I first tell them.

"My wife's a foot taller than me."
"No!"
"Seriously."
"No!"
"Yeah, it's true."
"Really?"
"Yup."
"You're joking."
"Nope."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
"No!"
"Yup."
"Really?"
(This is where I want to punch them in the head).

And just when they start coming around to the idea that I may actually be married to a woman a foot taller than me, I hit them with, "Oh, and she's white too."
Now I don't know why, but when I say this to another Asian, they FREAK OUT. And it's a weird kind of freak out too.
Here it is step by step:
1. Incredulous stare.
2. Eyes divert to wall behind me.
3. Eyes glaze over.
4. Face appears thoughtful yet confused.
5. Eyes unglaze.
6. Smile appears on corner of face.
I've seen it enough times to desperately want to know what the hell is going in their heads. Anyone got any ideas? Anyone?

Anyway, some pics:





As you can see, she makes me look like a hobbit. (A fact I secretly love).

Now I know what you're thinking: "How does that... work?"
This is Step 7 of the Asian FREAK OUT. They have a million different questions they want to ask and they don't know where to begin. This results in an internal brain implosion that causes them to just nod politely and change the subject.
Now I know a few of you are experiencing the same thing and to you I say - jusk ask! It's not worth having an aneurysm over. If I think I can answer you without pissing off my wife so badly that she tosses me across the room, I will.

And HelBel, if you're reading this - love you babe! Can I have some of your Lembas bread?

2 comments:

EbonHawkSerenity said...

That's a great question you pose about what's going through our heads when people first find out Helen is the missus. I have to think about that one, as my initial reaction really was short-lived - I can't even remember what I thought exactly. I'll have to get back to you on that one.

I do remember every time I saw you two together, I always had the thoughts of "Love knows no bounds" or any other sappy, warm and fuzzy phrase I could think of going through my mind.

kelleidoscope said...

I personally think that's awesome :)

I think everyone's going to have some questions at first, if I knew you a little better I'm sure even I'd have some. But honestly, off the top of my head, nothing.

Love is a crazy thing.